A BOOK???
I recently got a bug up my ass and decided I wanted to write a book. A book written to the laypeople about what it's like to be a musician but not a musician in the elite 1% who are able to get their playing or writing published and recorded with someone else's money. Or, maybe land that great gig in someone else's band who was able to get their playing or writing published and recorded with someone else's money. It used to be called "Getting Over" in the music business.
Not every musician gets over. Most of us have to work a day job or play low paying club gigs or casuals (weddings, private parties, special events,) to make ends meet. I am not in that elite 1%. I consider myself a good musician, but probably lack the business acumen to promote or sell myself properly. That aspect of music is not my thing.
WHITE PIECES OF PAPER AND SELF DOUBT
So check it out. I'm compiling notes for my book, see I hate even saying "My Book." It's like I think that I'm a real writer and start doubting myself. "Yes well I'm currently working on my next Novel" yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah. I hate that shit but how do you tell someone what you are working on. "Well you see I'm writing words on these white pieces of paper and will eventually collate them so that if someone were to read these white pieces of paper they can turn page by page." But it's not a book. I'm not a writer.
Does anyone else suffer from the same debilitating self doubt that I do? I'm literally sitting there typing and the words are creeping into my head, "Who in hell do you think you are?" Followed by "No one is going to read this shit, no one cares." In truth, the only reason I'm doing a........book is to maybe enlighten the average non musician what it's like being in the ranks of musicians who aren't in the 1% and how it feels. The trials and tribulations.
HIGH ERROR RATE BUT I WAS FAST
I wouldn't change a thing though. I love music. And, I hate working a regular job. I have, and it was for a bank in the data processing dept. in my very early 20s. I literally had to 10 key in the amounts of each check I was given into an NCR machine that added it all up and classified it properly. I was given batches and batches of checks so the fun never ended. All I thought about the whole time was music. My error rate was pretty high, but my fingers were fast and I had a high item count. Which would you prefer, a high item count or high errors. I did that for a couple of years and when I went to give my 2 weeks notice, they said why don't you just leave now. We don't need 2 weeks notice. O.....KAY. So that was it.
I CAN'T SIT STILL
My other debilitating problem I found out as I was beginning the process of writing my........book, is that my mind wanders. I should be thinking about the........book but instead I'm doubting myself and then I start thinking, "Hey! That's a great idea for a new blog." "Don't doubt yourself." So I leave my word processor and head over to the blog site and start "Don't Doubt Yourself, Just Do It!"
Does anyone else suffer from THIS type of "What the fuck do they call it?" Attention deficit disorder? Or I guess they now call it ADHD instead of ADD. Nonetheless, I have about 5 books that I'm reading at the same time, and the same amount of tv shows, and always working on different things musically at the same time. Well not at the same time, but I'm always jumping from one idea to the next.
NO RULES FOR BLOGS AND MORE ON SELF DOUBT
Maybe the truth is that I'm intimidated by the whole book thing, so I come over here and distract myself with something that I feel more comfortable with. No rules for blogs. Are there rules for writing a book? I wouldn't know.
I think the whole self doubt thing is about comparing oneself to others. We need to stop that. We have all read books. Some good, some not so good. And some we, or I have trashed after about the first few pages. It's just like music. After the first few bars of a tune I know if I'm going to like it. And I don't like everything. That doesn't mean that the writer or composer didn't enjoy themselves during their process of writing or composing. I think that is the main thing, that you enjoy the process and have a feeling for whatever it is you are doing. You probably shouldn't be doing it for acceptance from others.
But try not to doubt yourself. And if that little voice starts talking to you or yelling at you, do whatever you can to silence it.
CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER
So stop the self doubt and let the feelings flow. Write how you feel. Music is a great way of conveying emotion. As I get further into blogging I find that words also can REALLY convey emotion. Start liking YOU, and stop comparing yourself to others.
Okay, gonna jump back over to the word processor for more work on the......................book. I'm a crazy motherfucker, in a good way.