WHAT CONSTITUTES A GIG? AND WHAT CONSTITUTES A GIG FROM HELL?
A gig is basically anything that pays money. It's a job or work for a musician. There can also be gigs where you agree to work for free or for food or free drinks. Those become more rare as a musician gets older and decides "Fuck that Free Shit. I need to get paid."
A gig from Hell kind of speaks for itself. Gigs from hell can run the gamut from shitty musicians you have to deal with for a few hours, or heat on a gig outside, or musicians who play too loud. Any number of things can make a gig from Hell.
They can also run the gamut of the comfort level, from being able to daydream it away on a slightly shitty gig, to full on drinking it away where you really want to kill someone. I have had my share of both.
SOME EXAMPLES OF GIGS FROM HELL
One example of a gig that might have led to violence if not for drinking, was with a drummer I had the misfortune of having to play with for quite a while. His gig paid really well, and I'm a whore. I also love my music and a great, not a good groove.
This particular drummer with whom I had the misfortune of having to play with, for some reason thought that playing in the pocket meant slowing down a little bit, which is not pocket playing. It's just plain slowing down or laying back so much it gives the impression of slowing down.
Actual pocket playing is more easily felt than explained. It involves two or more musicians locking together to create a very nice and comfortable groove. Hitting the same part of the beat simultaneously. That's the best I can come up with for now. Trust in the fact that it's a great thing and can be elusive for a lot of players.
His playing used to upset me so much that I had to stand with the bass player between myself and the drummer because I couldn't look at him, and didn't want to be seen by him because of the look of utter disbelief on my face due to the lack of groove. I really wanted to kill him. This is where the alcohol came in. "Please, calm my ass down."
Another gig from hell example is playing with a piano player who way overplays and leaves no room for you to play. He has two hands and 10 fingers and he is damn well going to use everything he has. Guitar and piano are both chordal instruments and both have to leave room for the other to play, or sometimes just don't play at all which is often the best option and leaves plenty of room. It's not a competition. I'm a guitar player. Piano players like this can be horrifying.
It's especially bad if the piano player does a lot of solo piano gigs where he is used to playing a lot by himself and not accustomed to playing with other instruments, especially another chordal instrument. This situation can truly be a gig from hell. Most of the time in this kind of situation I just lay out and let him play his heart out, and I look forward to just going home.
SOME EXAMPLES OF GOOD GIGS
I have a friend who used to do sound design for a very well known video game company. Sound design is where this person creates all of the music. Don't know why or when all music created for video games became sound design instead of composing, but it did. Guess its a tech thing. And because almost all of this type of music is created digitally through a computer, he would hire me to come and record some live guitar tracks just to give the music more of a live feel.
The gig paid $100 per hour with a one hour minimum, which meant that if the session took 15 minutes I still was paid for an hour. Most of the time the sessions would go about 3 hours. For a working musician that is a good gig especially when it's during the day and you can still do another gig at night.
Another good recording gig took place during the day, and also paid really well. When I would hear some of the stuff I recorded on tv, they mixed the guitar so far back in the mix that you really couldn't hear it. But at least I knew it was there because I had the check to prove that I did it. Yeah I know, kind of an ego thing to hear yourself on tv.
Those were good gigs. Not the funnest of gigs but they paid well.
CUT THE FUNERAL MUSIC
Gigs come in all shapes and sizes, and as I mentioned in Trials and Tribulations you kind of had to take whatever gig comes along. I have a piano player friend who would do a lot of solo piano gigs, and by the way he is not the person I referred to earlier. We have been friends since 7th grade and he is a very good musician.
He tells the story of a solo piano gig he was playing. I don't remember exactly what he said verbatim, but something to the effect of being in a persons house playing for a private party. These types of gigs can go either way. They can be great because you are pretty much left alone to do your own thing, as long as you provide some music. Of course he always took the opportunity to do some practicing there, because the average Joe can't tell the difference between an improvised solo and a little bit of practicing thrown in for your own benefit.
So far this type of gig is great. But then he tells of one of the waitresses walking over to him as he was playing and said that the person who hired him said to "Cut the Funeral Music." Okay....That's the problem with the average listener. If you are playing a ballad, it's Funeral Music. If you might be playing something a little more up tempo it's most likely going to be considered inappropriate for this type of party. Maybe. This is speculative. This friend of mine got busted for Funeral Music. I suspect he was playing something mellow and maybe a ballad. Probably very nice.
What the fuck. It's Funeral Music. Now he has to deal with that stigma or label for the duration of the gig, and not really knowing what the fuck this jackass really wanted. Sometimes if it's slow, they want fast. If it's fast they ask for something with a little more feeling or emotion. Sometimes you just can't win.
CAN YOU PLAY SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO
When I quit working on Cruise Ships my wife and I moved to Las Vegas in hopes that maybe I could get some work there. I did, but in the beginning I had to take any gig that would come. I did some solo guitar gigs.
Solo guitar is a little more limiting than solo piano. With piano you have two hands and can do a little more rhythmically and sonically. You don't have the same luxury with guitar.
My "Cut the Funeral Music" moments on a solo guitar gig have always been "Can you play something we can dance to?" And they don't mean slow dance. My thoughts are always "Do you fucking see any other instruments here? No! You don't. It's just me. I'm not a one man band." People are so stupid sometimes. So what I end up doing is either playing a medium swing tune comping chords and walking a bass line, or if they want it funky or R&B I just play some chords with a groove. And it's usually just one couple who requests this. Stupid fucks. Leave me the fuck alone. This is not a dance gig. Go to a club if you want to dance.
EVEN FAMILY IS NOT IMMUNE TO STUPID LAYPERSON MENTALITY
My brother was getting married and it was taking place up in Lake Tahoe. I arrived and my brothers best friend comes running up to me and asked if I had a guitar with me. I said yes I did, as I always take my guitar with me wherever I go. I had just bought a new Taylor Acoustic guitar, another reason that I brought it with me. I was staying for a few days and wanted to play it.
He asked if I wouldn't mind playing some pre-ceremony music. I said sure but I only have an acoustic, no amplification whatsoever. He said fine. So I got my guitar and went down to where my brother and his wife to be were standing at the makeshift alter waiting for the ceremony to begin.
I started playing and was playing a little bit harder than normal as I knew the people sitting in the back rows would not be able to hear an acoustic. Sorry, no electronics on the guitar and no sound system. And, it was outside and the air was just eating the sound.
It's times like these where you might expect your family to be a little more music savvy than the average person. No, that didn't happen. As I'm playing as loud as I can trying to be heard, I look up and see my mom in the back pointing to her ears and shaking her head "No, we can't hear you." Oh, hold on a minute mom. Let me just turn up the volume knob on my acoustic guitar. Or better yet, let me go over to the sound man and ask him to turn me up.
In the meantime I'm losing all of my focus as I was just trying to improvise something nice and sweet for my brother and his wife. I had nothing planned so I was just winging it. And my mom is doing her little "We can't hear you" dance in the back.
So yeah, even your family can turn out to be just like the people you despise on certain gigs.
EPILOGUE:
Don't know if this post made any sense. I'm doing this without my editor. She always says my posts lack form and jump around too much. We'll see what happens with this one.